my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
