in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
