I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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