I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
