Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
