i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
