maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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