Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
