She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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