just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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