you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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