I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
bring money and cleavage
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
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the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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