apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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