wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
