i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
well most of my day revolves around power hour
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
