Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I deserve this hangover.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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