she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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