oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
