But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
