If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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