she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
