sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
