Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
