i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
