i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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