Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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