If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
