I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
