Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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