she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
