never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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