these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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