I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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