Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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