question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
