He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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