the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
