but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
