Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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