your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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