I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
