So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
