It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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