it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Please don't give away my fajitas
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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