Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize