Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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