can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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