Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
