last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
