i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
