hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
