my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize