return my video game
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
