why didn't you poke me back
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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