We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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