It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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