Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
