He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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