I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
