i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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