They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
