How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
