remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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