how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
