Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
