Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
