i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
