Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
