he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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