This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
