I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
