I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
