I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
