Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
