the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
