he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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