I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
