Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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