question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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