i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
