you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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